Episode 6: Built That Way

Highway 29 north snakes up through the middle of Virginia, a road that’s been left to meander as a four-lane artery for people traveling from Lynchburg to Charlottesville.  And when we need a doctor’s second opinion in Lynchburg, Charlottesville is often the place we go.

The MRI showed that Emma’s back wasn’t bent and curved because of a tumor—she was built that way.

So Sunday and Emma drove up to Charlottesville, winding through the dips and a curves of highway 29, with the watery expectation of a second opinion.  Sure, the doctor in Lynchburg didn’t think surgery was necessary, but there might be another doctor willing to fillet my daughter and put her back together like she’s a human tinker toy. 

And, well, that’s my fear.  I don’t want her to have the surgery.  Emma, though.  She’d love to get it and get it over with.

So we have dueling fears:   I’m afraid of the surgery, and she’s afraid of the brace.

Yes, since she grew and her back twisted even more, the brace.  It’s not what Emma wanted.  It’s not what any of us wanted.  It didn’t even fix anything—just the promise of preventing further damage, which is not much of a promise. 

The damage has been done, and apparently, it still has life.

But I don’t want the surgery.  Emma believes it’s a quick fix, but I’m pretty convinced that this kind of surgery introduces a lifetime of surgeries. Of pain.  Of medication. Of doctors & hospitals & worry.

We both want an end to worries about her spine. The end of her growth, even.

So the experts at UVA, those people.  Sunday & Emma walk into their offices, carrying armloads of worry and twisted grief.

And the experts at UVA understand the options:  surgery or a brace or….nothing…

Sometimes, a problem is best solved with attention and care.  Not a quick fix. Not expensive surgery. No mitigation.

So Sunday & Emma drove up Highway 29 with the simmering dread of physical deformity.  The ride home, though, was as straight and calm as their heartbeats. We will live with nothing, and we’ll like it. No surgery. No brace. Nothing.